The characters in this letter are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real people, alive or dead, is entirely co-incidental, unless of course you think otherwise, in which case, it isn’t.

Illustration by Rachael Bolton

Dear Catalans,

I must confess that I feel rather like St. Paul must have felt when he wrote to the Corinthians – the need to address an entire region is a grave affair. But the matter I must address today is of great importance to our community of nations:

Enough is enough. We need to get a few things cleared up before this regrettable idea of independence goes any further.

There are a number of things that have been rather opaque since we set up the EU. This was deliberate – there was simply no reason for you to know until now. There should never have been any need to disclose this information, and indeed there wouldn’t have been, were it not for those tiresome Brits setting such a terrible example for everyone last year.

We must resolve this matter quickly so that we can all get back to the business of being one big happy family again. Here’s what you need to know:

We ‘own’ Spain, and Spain ‘owns’ you.

Since you have seen reason to doubt the binding nature of this arrangement, perhaps I should explain to you how it works:

  1. Catalonia is a wholly owned subsidiary of Spain – this is all covered in the constitution, and is totally binding, although you may not have realised that when you voted upon it.

    It was democratic you see – one simply must read the small print, but of course one never does, does one?

  2. Spain is a subsidiary of the EU – this is all covered by EU treaty, which of course is also binding, as has been explained on a number of occasions by our Head of European Political Operations, dear Jean-Claude.

The following points may be difficult for you to understand, because we’ve never had to explain the structure beyond this point.

3. The EU is not owned by anyone, but of course ‘ownership’ and ‘control’ are really the same thing, but without all the legal drudgery that has become so tiresome of late.

4. The EU is controlled by the monetary system that we put in place.  I am not referring to the euro, which is simply the local mechanism for this region. I am referring to the banking system, which over-arches everything. The banks are the organisations that loan the money into existence in the first place. You didn’t know that did you? Don’t worry, very few people do…and that’s worked very well until now.  This is how it works:

a) Governments don’t actually buy anything with taxes. They spend money that the banks loan to them by buying their IOUs, AKA sovereign bonds.

b) When governments eventually get round to collecting taxes they use them to cancel some of their IOUs, plus they pay interest on all of them – naturally.

c) Since all politicians inevitably make promises that they can’t afford in order to get elected – a practice that we encourage by funding both sides – there is never enough taxation collected to fully redeem the IOUs, and there never will be. Why not? Because of the 8th wonder of the world – compound interest! Governments across the globe are paying the banks interest on interest on interest on money that they could have just printed for themselves in the first place!

Let me give you an example of how we run the US Operation: If you add up all the interest that the US government paid during the years 1870-2009, it comes to a total of $7.8 trillion. In 2009 the total public debt of the US stood at $12 trillion. In other words 65% of the debt was accumulated interest. It’s a Ponzi scheme hiding in plain sight, it’s totally legal, and it’s ours!

5. At this point you might be asking yourself a question: If the governments could just print the money for themselves, without having to pay interest, why don’t they turn around to the banks and say ‘enough of this, we’ll print our own!’ The answer is simple…because we own the politicians as well!

We select them, groom them, fund them, and once they are in office we ‘advise’ them through our network of financiers, central bankers, the IMF and so on, all of whom ‘work’ for us in one way or another.  Goldman Sachs in particular have been very effective these last few years, except for that regrettable faux pas with Greece, but we all make mistakes from time to time. They were all rather young at the time…Mario hadn’t reached his full potential back then, though of course he knew nothing about it, officially.

Macron is a perfect example of one of our ‘cradle to the grave’ projects. He’s been groomed for years through one of our oldest institutions – Rothschild.

Left-wingers used to be more difficult, but Blair changed all that – he was relatively easy to control, initially through our Australian media operations, and later through Washington, but he was never really left wing anyway. The poor boy only joined the Labour Party because he didn’t go to a good enough school to be a top Tory.  Frankly, he would have preferred to be a rock musician but he wasn’t good enough at that either. ‘Adulation’ is Blair’s weakness, you see; and once you know a politician’s weakness they are very easy to control.  ‘Money’ is the most common, particularly for the lower ranks; ‘power’ is a motivation for the more sociopathic amongst them, and ‘sex’ has been a great asset down the years. ‘Blackmail’ is usually the last resort for the more difficult types…but of course one or two have met with unfortunate accidents…

6 . Finally, we have people inside the bureaucracy that do the real work of government – making the rules, distributing government funds, making sure deals go to the right contractors, that sort of thing.  This is particularly important on the military side of things where discretion is vital. You may remember that on 10th September 2001, Rumsfeld revealed that the Pentagon had mislaid $2 trillion dollars. Of course that was quickly forgotten the following day, 9/11, when one of the explosions destroyed the room where all the information was being kept, as bad luck would have it.

You may have heard this part of the system being referred to as ‘The Deep State’, along with other equally conspiratorial names. These labels are actually very useful – the crazier the better, in fact. Whilst everybody is either scoffing at the idea of the ‘lizard people’, or out looking for them, the real business of controlling the wealth of the globe can proceed how it is supposed to – quietly, behind closed doors, in the making of oil deals, arms deals and ‘aid’ deals, not to mention the financing required to prepare for war and to clean up afterwards.

So, that’s how it works. Of course, you’ll now want to know who we are.  A number of points here also:

– I’m afraid that I couldn’t possibly give you a list of names, because it doesn’t work like that. There is no SPECTRE, no portly gentleman walking around stroking a cat saying things like ‘No Mr Bond, I expect you to die’. Though I must say that I’ve often thought that Paul Krugman would be rather good in that role. He’s not an insider himself, but we do love him: he’s totally clueless about how things really work, but terribly useful at throwing people off the scent.

– We control major shareholdings in all the systemically important organisations around the globe, primarily in banking, insurance, oil, gas, pharmaceuticals, armaments, security, and of course media. Technology is the current growth area, dovetailing well with our security & media interests.  We are very happy to see that Google’s Mr Eric Schmidt has joined the board of ‘The Economist, Mr Bezos now owns the Washington Post, and of course he has since obtained a $600m deal with the CIA. These are welcome developments. We also wish Mr Zuckerberg well with his budding political career.

– The days of bulging gold hoards are largely gone; the Chinese and the Russians have picked up where we left off on that score, but we can still move in and out of commodities as required, using the COMEX and other online casinos.

– Our money is distributed through shell companies and in offshore ‘floating vessels’ that never come to port. The courts know who we are, of course, and rule favourably when things get out of hand, e.g. being sued by someone who doesn’t know how the game is played. The judges in New York for example, never rule against the banks. As for taxation, well that’s never a problem if you own the taxman.

In short: We’re the people who say ‘if you want that to happen, then this has to happen’. There’s no central location. We do tend to bump into each other at Bilderberg, and some of our ‘hands-on’ people gather at Davos – mainly to show their faces and throw tidbits of information to dreadful bores like Larry Summers and such like…I don’t mind telling you that he’s so obsequious around his superiors that it makes one’s skin creep, but it has to be done. We spend a lot of money on grants and tenures to ensure that our economists are either blind, or complicit with what’s really going on. Self-obsessed windbags like Summers are quite useful, as indeed are folks like Yellen – a very nice lady, though for the life of me I can’t imagine what she does all day.

So now you know how it works, and who we are, you should be clear how serious this is…so let’s get to the nub of the matter:

You are not allowed to secede from Spain.

If we allowed that to happen it would create structural problems, which could very easily lead to a loss of confidence and a debt crisis.  So let me be clear once again:

The EU is non-negotiable.

We have put vast amounts of capital into this project; if it fails it will bring down the global banking system.

The monetary reset that we are planning with the IMF will have to be brought forward: at great cost, with no guarantee of being able to control the vast wealth transfer that takes place when a new system is created.

Moreover, we cannot risk our monopoly on money creation & fractional reserve banking. Money must continue to be born as our asset, to be created and distributed as we see fit, repayable with interest, with the ultimate burden of guarantee lying with governments, and through them – the citizen. I hope that is clear.

If it becomes necessary, you should know that Mr Rajoy has been authorised to use whatever force he deems necessary to suppress an uprising in Catalonia. We hope it won’t come to that, but please know that our version of democracy will prevail, the media will fall into line with our version of events, and ultimately we will win. Please make the right choice.

Best wishes

Chairman of Citizens’ Affairs, European Region, Usury Inc.

MarkGB

MarkGB

MarkGB is a retired businessperson with 35 years experience of working with people from 30 countries and six continents.He is is not a member of any political party and does not represent any vested interests. He offers an independent view on economic and political events as they unfold.
MarkGB

5 thoughts on “Dear Catalans – A message from the Chairman

  1. I do wish this was your fantasy rather than perfectly accurate description of the way it works (as I understand it).

    In the penultimate paragraph your reference to ‘fractional reserve baking’ is not correct is it? The current dominant system is pure fiat isn’t it? My understanding is that that is materially different.

    (I’m going to leave that unedited for your amusement, though it was a genuine mis-key error. When we talk of ‘dough’ it is perhaps easy to make such Freudian slips.)

  2. Hi, I just like to say one thing: as you probably know the catalan revolution is driven by old aunts and also grandmothers and you probably know those kind of peple are very rasonable and their message is very simple ‘we don’t want any banker injured, so the fastest you set up a new seat in the international community the better… for all of us’.

    1. Hi Enrica

      Personally I’d like a lot more old aunts and grandmothers sitting round the table. Alas the Chairman doesn’t heed my counsel – if he did he’d be cleaning toilets.

      Best wishes

      MarkGB

  3. Hi Andy

    Yes…fantasy that’s real…the wonderful world of satire!

    Thanks for leaving that for my amusement…’fractional reserve baking’…for people who deal in ‘dough’, ho ho. Who deals in dough? People who always want their cake and eat it…oh my God the Dad jokes have started now…

    Seriously though…they do still have to meet reserve requirements, but the leverage is huge…so yes, it’s all on faith.

    We live in interesting times…

    Best, Mark

  4. I read this the other day half way. Came back for to finish it now. Excellent, albeit sad, “message from the Chairman”. It’s so right on the money! This message could’ve been copied to the Greeks and Scots too.

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